Chapter Five: waking Nightmares

We walked a little further in silence until we reached a door. “Well this is it.” Caulin said pointing to the door.
“I guess we will see you in the morning.” Gohn said.
Scyll bowed her head and softly added, “ Have a goodnight.” I nodded back to each of them and said goodnight.
After that I entered my room, a quick scan showed this room to be little different from the one I had awoken in just a few hours earlier, this one didnt have an IV cord, but in the corner there was a small eclosed area that seemed to serve as a bathroom and shower. I laid down on the soft raised area of the floor that made up my “bed”. The organic piece of furnture seemed to mold to me as I layed there creating a pillow like bubble under my head. I was surprised at how comfortable it was, no matter what position I chose the bed would remoddle to fit me. Finally I decided I should try to sleep. I closed my eyes. Minutes turned to hours as I laid there, but sleep never came. After being “asleep” for so long I wondered if I would ever even need to sleep again. I began to do exactly what I had been trying to keep myself from doing since I had woken that morning. I began to think. Slowly at first like a rain storm building, thoughts began to trickle through my consciousness. Soon they soaked me like a downpour. The images of my family and friends flashed through my eyes. I closed them tighter in a vain attempt to shut out the ghosts. Gone. They were all gone. Not only them, but everything was gone. Everyplace I knew every hobby I had enjoyed all were gone. I would never see Old Aeolus and his diner again.
Worst of all, my brother’s picture seemed to be painted on my eyelids, every time I closed them I would see his face. I didn’t even want to think of what he looked like now.
I hate crying. As a guy you feel pathetic when you cry. Your eyes burn, and your stomach churns in pain, but the harder I fought the tears. The more it hurt. After a few hours I stopped fighting. I wished for sleep, I prayed for sleep, but sleep never came. It was a long, long night…
Eventually, I gave up lying there. I stood and walked over to the door. Next to the door was lying a stack of mineral cards. I shrugged my shoulders and picked up a few. I slide one into the slot next to the door. It opened. I walked out into the dome corridor. It was dark. Apparently, the bioluminescent light only worked while people were awake. Still I saw a few other people walking here and there. I walked out to the ledge of the floor I was on. There was no railing. Carefully, I peered down through the open center of the dome. It was enormous. Just looking out over the edge gave me a since of vertigo. I felt so alone here. I knew nothing of this world. What was there for me here. I walked to the very edge teetering back and forth. All I had to do was shift my weight… I let go. I felt myself fall through the air. I closed my eyes…
A moment later I landed on my back. Still on the same floor. I couldn’t do it. Rather than lean forward and fall several floors through the center of the dome I simply had let myself fall backwards onto the ground.
Terry’s face had stopped me. Her eyes. Those curious carefree eyes. Now were filled with fear. She had walked up from somewhere while I was not looking. “ What are you doing?” She asked softly. A strange fear in her voice. She was shaken by what she had seen.
“I…. I don’t know” was all I could muster. “ I guess this is all a little hard for me. What are you doing here?”
“I wake up early every morning and walk through the dome while it is still dark. It helps me think.” She said still somewhat emotional.
“ What do you think about?” I asked. My heart pounded in my chest like a machine gun.
“Different things.” She answered vaguely staring off into the distance. “ Do you really hate it here so much?”
“ It’s not that I hate it.” I answered slowly. “ I just. I am not sure I will ever fit in. My whole world has changed. I used to have goals dreams. Now I am not sure if I will be able to be anything in this new place.”
“You already are something” She said quickly almost defensively. “ You’re our friend.”
I smiled at that. The haunting thoughts I was having faded as we stood there together. “Thank you.” I said looking her directly in the eyes. “ If I hadn’t met you here then…” I looked back to the ledge I had been standing on a moment ago. I shook my head. “ I don’t know what I would do.” I finished.
She finally smiled again, “ I have to get back to my room. To finish getting ready. You had better get ready too. You have a big day today.” We got up and I went back to my room and she went back to hers.
When I got back to my room I made a decision. I had to leave my old life behind. It was over now. I said a silent goodbye to everything and everyone from before. Then I started to get ready for the day.